July 4, 2004

"THE LARGEST ARMWRESTLING VIDEO WEBSITE IN THE WORLD!" That’s the heading on this week’s wonderful website, and I think it’s safe to say that armwrestling.com is probably the only armwrestling video website in the world. I hope.

What’s brought me to this page of delights, you ask? The voices in my head, as usual. Although armwrestling isn’t considered the sport of kings, the prize for the last major competition (held yesterday) is a Harley-Davidson. So someone somewhere takes this stuff seriously. Bet they have a mullet, too.

There’s a pretty good page about the history of the tournament, with the surprising revelation that Snoopy of Peanuts fame entered in 1968 but was disqualified when it was discovered he didn’t have thumbs. It’s when I re-read sentences like that I wonder how I’ve managed to last so long without turning to methadone for help.

Be sure to take a shufty at the "Ask John Brzenk" page, which should be called the "How Do You Pronounce This Bloke’s Surname?" page. Mr Brzenk is, apparently, recognised as the best armwrestler in the history of the sport. Oddly, it appears that the strain of answering questions along the lines of "How old are you?" and "How the hell do you pronounce your surname?" have proved too much of a strain for Mr Brzenk, as no more questions are being accepted. Damn… and just as I was going to ask him about the historical importance of the mullet in armwrestling. Guess I’ll have to go back to asking Jeeves if he knows where my car keys are.

Interestingly, armwrestling in America is also known as "pulling", which in the UK is a sport involving drunken men trying to impress girls in a pub. The idea of watching a competition where men try to pull each other seems like Liberace’s idea of a good night out.

And remember, to the good folks at armwrestling.com, the sport isn’t just a test of strength between two rednecks sitting on opposite sides of a table, oh no. It’s far more than that – it’s a patriotic thing, an affirmation of everything that’s good about America. Just check out the page that’s got the entire Declaration of Independence on it if you want proof.