MAKING the perfect bacon sarnie isn't as easy as you'd think. In Britain it takes months of training before you're allowed to even handle a bottle of HP Sauce. You have to know the amount of pressure necessary to create the "mashed down" look. The there's the bacon itself: grilled to a crisp or fried in lard for that classic greasy spoon feel? Not so simple, is it? So here's a quick guide to knocking up a bacon sarnie you and your family can be proud of. First off, the ingredients:

Bread. Pretty essential.

Bacon. As you might have guessed, this is absolutely essential. It also helps if you cook it first.

A plate. Optional.

HP Sauce. Utterly essential.

An audience. Not that essential.