SEPTEMBER 26

HUGE thanks to Tammy for snapping this pic of a Mini limo conversion.

SEPTEMBER 24

HANDY hint of the month: never run your waste-disposal unit when there's a Bic disposable lighter in it.

SEPTEMBER 22

It's insanity in the inbox time again! This turned up in the my email at work today. Will someone please change my job description in the paper from "news editor" to "don't contact me, I don't give a shit"?

To all who give a shit: (particularly editors) After tonight watching a certain channel broadcasting a "live event" (channel 7, who cares) And myself, being completely deaf in my left and 70% in my right, I finally got to the point where your ideas of preparing or doing the actual show are so beyond crap i am speechless. Should i go for deaf dumb and blind? No sense being half-assed about it I figure go the whole whack. Not only did they repeat over what they said just seconds before (i got to 5 before losing count), and being impaired i pay INTENSE DEEP attention to the way "words" are used. It is kind of like being married. You know how your wife or husband gets on your ass when ya don't move as fast as they would have liked? They remind you about it but use different ways to use the words but expect an answer in their favor of course. I am an intelligent human being as well as divorced, and it is so annoying to hear the same thing over and over and when they get to the part when the 2 on air start asking each other stupid questions much less your stuck with them live as this clown is going basically in damn circles on his motorcycle or stolen whatever and so what else is new? Go to something else and let me know when the bus hits his ass. I don't want to go sightseeing with him. I'm not a tourist. IF you went to something else you would get your jollies with another "breaking news" report, oh boy...There is NOT a news team who has NOT done that yet. PERIOD. For instance when the guy stole that 7up truck last year in van nuys i believe. He left debris all over the place and they were (the 2 on the air..forgot what ch. tho..damn) and they were talking about the probably few bottles that didn't get busted up that were going into the storm drain! Who gives a shit?? compared to the damage that was done. And mostly when you guys report it, you look like on certain cases yes you would be upset say if a child was killed ..SHOW THE EMOTION..FUCK YOUR HUMAN. Jesus your all like a bunch of corporate robots with a cable up your ass...(see if cable has switch for undying lack of personality without makeup) and i am not talking T&A though it does not hurt. If you get mad.. say your mad. If it pisses you off, say so. Its your right.. FCC.. Yea so what? Rules were meant to be broken. The closest i ever got to showbiz was as a security guard at NBC back in `79 and a party with Barbi Benton, big deal. And i have seen a lot of shit in my life . But After that TV lost its touch. And will continue to do so until someone breaks that rule and gets real and real pissed and tells it like it is and how it is. With feeling. If it affects you, show it. I am not condoning Howard Stern by any means but His style is reality and he called it as he saw it and look he became an icon to some, and a big pain in the ass to most. But who is really having the last laugh? Well lets say have you seen his ratings lately? Have you seen Satellite stock? I am not a genius in either dept of those questions but I do know they are alot better than they were 3 years ago. The masses can answer those questions. All i am saying is you guys need to get a heart or find some other means to broadcast because your not doing it right no matter how hard you try because your not thinking outside of the box far enough. The news is just not "personal" anymore. And don't feed me the internet bullshit either. You want a crying newscaster, i'll take the job. I have no problem crying. I cry everytime I turn on the news and that's pretty often. I also have no time for bullshit, and if i do get mad enough i will use the "F" word. And if your a liar i will call you one. Censor me so what. This is not a resume by any means but if you guys offered hey what the hell but this is a sign you guys (and just because you don't see all the tv channels in the headers for email.. they got one of these too, don't fret I didn't single anyone out) When i one day turn on the news and some major tragedy and several people are killed or some innocent child is struck down for any reason unknown to any of us for sure (sorry but that's reality) and the news team is affected as well as visually, i will be impressed. Last I read it is not against any code of ethic for newscasters to be emotional, (unless your on prozac) Yes i know you have to report the news, I want you to. And god forbid another 911, but the reality is it is inevitable, be yourself. Your human. How can you say you are reporting for the people when you are one of us as well? (refer back to robot line)

(Sender's email withheld to protect the insane innocent.)

SEPTEMBER 20

BACK on the weekend we went to the ghetto. Well, I say the ghetto, it was actually Knott's Berry Farm, but it was like the ghetto only we had to line up to get in, there were rides and bottled water cost $3.50. But we got in for free thanks to the company Ev works for so that was the one result of the day.

I'll give Knott's one thing - it's better than Disneyland. For one thing there's no failed actors dressed as stupid characters wandering around, there's a lack of glassy-eyed drooling Mickey Mouse fans and the toilets resemble a level of cleanliness more in line with what I'm used to in the UK. Even the food's cheaper, if you call $5 for the square turd in a stale bun a "burger" as Knott's does. To be fair, Ev hasn't been to the place since about 1991 so was in no way able to warn me that we were entering a combination of Hawaiian Gardens, Compton and a watersplash ride. But it was a pretty good day out, all the same.

Work has been an utter bastard recently. Take yesterday. Everything was going pretty well when some little twat goes and gets hit by a train. The biggest downside was that he survived. Sorry to sound callous, but papers sell better when there's a death involved. Anyway, it turns out mong-boy and his mates were looking for somewhere to skate and decided to cross the rail tracks while a freight train was coming. If there's a God (which I seriously doubt due to the continued existence of Paris Hilton) he'll be taken out before he has a chance to spread his obviously deficient genes.

SEPTEMBER 14

I THINK I can safely say that Silent Hill is a crap film. I've just spent 125 minutes of my life wondering a) what the hell was going on and b) why I didn't put the $20 it cost me towards getting South Park Season 8. The other annoying thing is that I distinctly remember Ev seeing a trailer for it and announcing that it looked so crap I was bound to buy it on DVD. And she was right. Bugger.