NOVEMBER 28

SO NOVEMBER - or "gadget month" as it's now officially called here on Planet Mut - ends with another gadget winging its way into our lives and onto our credit card. As if an iPod and a Flip video camera weren't enough, we now have new phones. The crappy, crippled RAZRS have been condemned to a drawer (and possibly either to eBay or the microwave) and we've replaced them with LG Chocolates or, if you want to be an anorak, VX8550s.

I can't lie - we picked Chocolates mainly because they look cool. Well, that wasn't the only reason; obviously the fact they have a camera and play mp3s helped too. "What about call quality, text messaging, cost and plan charges?" I hear you shout. Who cares about inconsequential details like those when you have a phone as cool as this? No matter what you do something lights up. When someone calls you the lights around the wheel flash like a '70s disco. It has touch-sensitive buttons. You can set videos as your background. And it has a scroll wheel so it's a bit like a smaller version of Sellout.

But the biggest, most massively important advantage over our old mobys is that Verizon haven't crippled the Chocolate as much as they did the RAZR. Whereas the RAZR was dependent on being connected to the PC via USB the Chocolate takes a micro-SD card, meaning you can save pics to it, take it out, plug it into a card reader and get the photos onto your PC. The same goes for music. Just drop your mp3s into the my_music folder on the SD card and you're away. Much, much easier and cheaper than shelling out $3 for a 30-second ringtone from Verizon's shitty V-Cast service. Thinking about it, who the hell actually pays to watch film trailers and music videos on their phones?

NOVEMBER 26

LOOKS like I spoke too soon - the Flip is up and running again. I was emailed instructions on how to format and reinstall the software, which worked like a charm. Sorted!

NOVEMBER 24

MY LATEST toy lasted just over a week - the Flip Ultra video camera appears to be buggered and is going to be sent back. I can record video but I can't transfer it off the camera thanks to something called "an I/O error". I also can't get the camera-based software to work, leading me to believe that the on-board memory is knackered. After 20 minutes of arsing around with it tonight I gave up and checked the Flip website for details on how to get a replacement. I've emailed them and they will, allegedly, get back to me on Monday, so I'll have to wait and see. Bugger.

NOVEMBER 23

THANKSGIVING went pretty well, given that I ate most of my bodyweight in turkey/beef/ham/assorted other stuff. Ev's Yorkshire puddings came out an odd shape but tasted great and everyone seemed to have a great time, although I'm still not sure how 14 people fitted in our flat. After recovering from my food coma we went for a walk on the pier in a desperate attempt to burn off at least some of the 90,000 calories we'd consumed. Here are some photos:

NOVEMBER 21

IT'S Thanksgiving tomorrow and I've got the day off, which is a cause for celebration in itself. Ev has the turkey (all 24lbs of it) defrosting in the fridge and there's 14 people set to come over for dinner. Personally, I'll be giving thanks that mum sent over a care package containing Mars Bars and Extra Strong Mints. If I can drag myself out of the food coma, I'll get some pics of the feast and put them up here.

NOVEMBER 18

WE WENT up to Lake Arrowhead today to check out the remains of Ev's dad's cabin for ourselves. Even though we have the great photos Mike sent us (see the entry for November 12), they couldn't equate with actually being there and seeing the devastation for ourselves. The cabin is a total write-off and much of the land around it is badly burned. First off, here's a pic of the cabin from 2003 and one from today, taken from roughly the same position:

This is the security light that was over the front door.

Thankfully the propane tank didn't explode.

The glass had melted and fused into weird and wonderful shapes, including what we think used to be a window:

Above is what's left of the fridge. It's actually lying in the basement-level bedroom; there was a floor above ground level which is now gone.

This is looking up towards the front entrance from where the fridge is now lying; the concrete strip at the bottom of the photo is where floor level was (unfortunately I zoomed in too much for this picture).

This burnt tree stump is the same tree with the "10" sign on it in the top photo. The tree was cut down a couple of years ago.

Looking up towards where the patio was. Although the wood is destroyed, the stones making up the patio are untouched.

Part of one of the windchimes that hung by the front door.

Next to the road above the cabin were these paint tins which we think were removed after the fires were put out. We're not sure why they've been sprayed with green paint.

The whole experience of seeing the cabin in this state was pretty bad. Every step released a cloud of ash and the ground was covered in nails that had fallen out as the place burned. We only hung around for about 30 minutes before taking a drive around to see what other damage there was. A few other cabins had been destroyed, so I snapped some pics of what was left of some of them.

This burned-out trailer was just up the road from the cabin.

The cabin above Ev's dad's was also wiped out, along with two cars.

This place is further down the road from the one above.

Here's another one. The red wall is all that's left standing.

On our way back down the mountain we stopped to take this photo, which gives some idea of the scale of the devastation.

NOVEMBER 16

I MANAGED to find some software that'll make Flash vids out of the ones I take with the Flip, so now I can bore the tits off you with words AND video! So, to kick off a new feature that's undoubtedly going to be flogged to death, here's an electrical fire I passed on the way to work this afternoon:

NOVEMBER 15

MY LATEST toy turned up in the mail today - a Flip video camera that I spotted on Amazon.com and decided to get as another $150 on the credit card is going to make sod all difference at this point. (Dad, this is a joke). I photographed all the stages of de-boxing for an easy update as I thought they might interest the three of you.

Yet another company goes for the Apple school of marketing.

Here's what's in the box - the Flip camera, a carrying bag, wrist strap, TV cable, instructions and batteries. I got the 2-gig model that holds an hour of video, and I got it in black as it matches the Mini (why do you think my iPod is black?). They also come in white, orange, pink and green, but as none of those colours match the Mini I got one in black.

To put the two AA batteries in you slide the front cover off. Although it comes with two Duracells, I decided to use my new Energiser Titaniums as a way of desperately justifying shelling out $8 on them at Wal-Mart.

Here it is next to Sellout for a size comparison. The grey thing that's behind the Flip is a battery charger I used to prop it up. The camera is about the size of a pack of 10 ciggies, not that I can remember what a pack of 10 ciggies looks like after four months of being off the fags. Why I didn't put the cover back on before taking this pic is a question that will haunt the world's finest minds for centuries to come (hint: I forgot).

I suppose that literally none of you are wondering why it's called a Flip. Well, here's your answer - it's due to the USB connector which flips out from the side of the camera. I bet it took the marketing department weeks to come up with that name. Anyway, it's designed to plug straight into the USB on your PC or toy computer Mac, but I'd read that it basically either a) falls out or b) fails to connect properly, so I bought a three-foot long USB cable for it.

Once the Flip's plugged in the PC treats it like a removable storage device, which is all it basically is. The videos are saved to the DCIM folder. One thing you must do (at least on a PC) is run the video editing software, which also comes included on the camera. This means the weirdo codec it uses will be installed on your computer. The video editing software itself isn't too good, so the best thing to do is save it to your hard drive and edit it in something else, like Windows Movie Maker or iFilm.

Now I suppose you're thinking something along the lines of, "let's see some video then." Well... I shot some of Iestyn but unfortunately I've forgotten how to make Flash movies out of AVIs. So I'll hopefully get one done soon. Honest.

ON ANOTHER note, Ev discovered yesterday that she can no longer access Planet Mut at work as her company's firewall now blocks it. Fame at last!

NOVEMBER 12

SO NOW we've had it confirmed - the cabin Ev's grandad built in Smiley Park up by Lake Arrowhead - pictured above as it was in 2003 - was wiped out by the fire last month. Although we haven't had time to get up there yet Mike kindly took these photos and emailed them over.

NOVEMBER 9

MANY thanks to Jon for sending me this pic of a Mini Cooper he spotted in the wilds of Greece.

AND as iPods let you name them, I thought up the perfect one for mine.

NOVEMBER 5

ON SUNDAY we went to check out the fire damage near where Ev used to work in Foothill Ranch. The blaze reached the car park and scorched some trees next to the building but was fought off successfully. I took the camera and got these pics:

THE iPod succeeded in preventing me from going on a rampage today, so I suppose it's started earning its keep. The bloody battery doesn't half go down fast though, but I think that might have something to do with me leaving the colour screen on all the time. Not that I'm showing it off or anything, heavens no. And in a stunning twist that I in no way could see coming, long-time Apple fan and all-round Ponty boy Jules was the first to email me and take the piss. Nice work fella.

NOVEMBER 4

LOOK, I can explain why there's an iPod on my printer. No, wait, I can't. Well I can, but it's a long and sordid (and dull) tale so you might want to make a cuppa or take a slash before settling down to read the next few paragraphs.

As it was becoming increasingly clear that I couldn't get The Brick to work again, and as I couldn't bear to spend another day in the office without some way of shutting the sodding telly out, I bought an 80-gig iPod on Saturday with one proviso to Ev: I'd try to get The Brick working on her mum's PC that night, and if I succeeded, the iPod would go back to Target.

After getting home on Saturday we headed to Ev's mum's to use her PC. Most of the threads I'd read on the Interweb had said to try using a computer that had never seen a Zen before, and hers certainly hasn't. So armed with The Brick, a USB cable and the installation CD I confidently pushed the power button on the front of her three-month-old, hardly-ever-used Dell.

Nothing happened.

"Ah," the optimistic part of me thought. "Mum and dad stayed here, maybe the PC was unplugged so the telly would work or a lamp or something." Nope, the PC is connected to the power strip and everything else that's plugged in - printer, lamp, monitor - is working fine. After a couple more attempts to get it working (i.e. pressing the power button) with no results, Ev called the Dell tech support line.

An Indian guy answers (immediately making me want to order a chicken korma, saffron rice and a peshwari naan) and started going through the checklist - is the PC plugged in properly, is the power strip on, can you plug the PC straight into the wall, etc. None of these were having any effect. Using the monitor power cable didn't work either.

So then he asks Ev (who is relaying instructions to me) to take the side of the PC off. At this point I started to get a bit worried as a) the PC's still under warranty, b)it's not mine and c) surely by now we've established the sodding thing isn't working, can't we just get a replacement? No, that might cost Dell money so I end up taking the side off the PC and removing the PCI modem and RAM, only to discover it still won't work. By this point - after 50 minutes on the phone - the tech guy gave in and told us a technician would be coming over with a new motherboard, power supply and power button.

But this still left the small problem of the non-working The Brick and the $250 we'd shelled out on an 80-gig iPod. Luckily we were too tired by that point to give a bugger, so I'm keeping the iPod and if I ever get The Brick working, Ev's going to have it for her audiobooks.

So later that night I started to set the iPod up. First I had to install iTunes, which I very much didn't want on my PC (and very much still don't want on my PC) but have to as it's the only way of getting music on the bloody thing. To be fair, setting the iPod up was easy. Transferring my music over took FOR-EVER, as Ev would put it. Every time I thought it had finished it started converting more songs and then synching them. To give Creative credit, putting songs on The Brick was a lot easier - just drag and drop. I ended up leaving the iPod synching and went to bed. I haven't actually tried it out yet, but tomorrow it's going to get its first major test - can it get me through a day at work without me wanting to chuck a desk at the TV?

NOVEMBER 1

I REALLY, really have to get my mp3 player (hereby christened "The Brick") fixed. I don't know if I can take another day of work without it. It's bad enough trying to concentrate on doing my job without having to listen to everyone else's conversations and phone calls, but not being able to block out the TV is the worst of all. Whether it's CNN's 24-hour bullshit or a bunch of guys dressed in pyjamas hitting a ball around in a game that's called rounders and played by girls where I come from, TV is shite. And this isn't really bashing American telly as I'd basically given up watching it before I left Britain. Trouble is, no matter how bad you may think ITV1 or BBC4 are, they're works of genius compared to any given American station.

So after getting an email from a reader who said the best way to fix my Zen would be to bin it and get an iPod, I spent a while today looking at Apple players on Amazon and Best Buy trying to find a replacement. When I bought my Creative in 2005 it was $280 for a 40-gig model (the equivalent iPod was $400) and I was looking for something similar.

And by Christ I was disappointed. Because you can't get a basic mp3 player any more. You can get 30-gig ones that come with a colour screen and cost more than $250. I could get a refurbished 80-gig for $250. Pretty good, but I want a new one. Or there's the massive four-gig - four! - Nanos that cost $150. That's a tenth of the capacity of my Zen. And for only half the price! But the Nano does come with a colour screen and a slick advertising campaign, so it must be worth it. (Actually, it's Apple's ad campaign for the iPod that puts me off getting one. According to the telly ads, in order to own an iPod you have to be thin, young, trendy and be a good dancer. I'm overweight, 35 years old, wear $15 jeans from Target and couldn't dance my way out of a phone box. So the iPod obviously isn't for me.) And I don't want the crapware that is iTunes anywhere near my nice shiny PC.

After wasting my time on Apple, I looked at the Creative players. I could get a one-gig player for $100, or a 30-gig for $300, or a refurbished 40gig for $120 that has a scratched screen and a fuzzy display. No thanks, I'll pass on that.

Wait, there's the new ones by SanDisk and my sister bought one for her friend and it looks pretty good and... pardon? Two hundred for a 16-gig model? Sod off.

Even Microsoft's Zune started looking good, until I remembered it's riddled with DRM.

The I spotted the Creative Labs link. (There is, apparently, a difference between Creative and Creative Labs.) Ah, this is where the Zens are. And there's one just like mine. Forty-gig, refurbished... $229. What? Is the seller taking the piss? As much as I love my Zen I wouldn't shell out more than $120 for it now. So I look at the other Creative Labs players only to find the same old story - I can either get a model with a colour screen and sod all storage for ridiculous money, or I can be cheap and get something that holds 10% of the songs The Brick does.

But I suppose that's my own fault. See, I'm a basically a boring bastard. I just want an MP3 player that plays MP3s. I don't want a colour screen. I don't want to read my email or surf the net. I don't care about video capability or photo storage or WiFi. I don't need a player that has a clock. Or displays the cover of the CD I'm listening to. All I want is an mp3 player that plays music. But they don't make stuff for boring bastards any more. It looks like I'm going to have to fix The Brick after all.