JANUARY 28
YESTERDAY we went on a hike in the Chino Hills area. Yes, both of you read that right, a hike. Ev's been wanting to go up there for ages so we finally got our act together and were out of the house before 10am for the first time in ages. Luckily Stephen, one of her dad's old friends, lives in the area and he agreed to take us around.
Given my physical condition (crap) I was a bit concerned about the hike as the most exercise I usually get is walking outside the office to have a fag, and even then I take the elevator. But I was pleasantly surprised to find that I didn't collapse within 10 minutes of starting, although I was bloody glad I'd decided to leave the camera tripod at home.
Talking of the camera, I managed to leave the white balance on "fluorescent" setting, meaning all my pics came out blue. Thanks to the magic of Photoshop you're seeing the scenery as it really looks. I also managed to leave my 70/300mm lens on f18, meaning I had to bin about 50 pics as they came out crap.
At one point we came across the above sight that made Stephen think someone had been cooking up a batch of crystal meth in the hills. Luckily we didn't spot any psycho hillbillies - but that doesn't mean they weren't hiding.
We headed back down the way we came as Stephen decided to take another route up. We didn't realise at the time that this other route involved WALKING UP AN ABANDONED DRY SKI SLOPE.
There it is in all its cardiac-inducing glory. It actually doesn't look too bad from this angle. Taking small steps and walking in a back-and-forth diagonal pattern it didn't take too long to get up there, only about 20 minutes, and again I was pleasantly surprised that I didn't need the help of an intensive-care unit when I got to the top.
Here's some of the tiles that originally covered the slope. We noticed loads of nail heads sticking out of the concrete and concluded that the tiles were nailed in place. Must have been fun if you piled it on the way down.
Here's the view from about three-quarters of the way up. No, I don't know how I got up there either. After hiking along some more we turned around and headed back. Going down the slope took longer than getting up as we were all worried about falling on the nail-studded concrete. But we made it and the ambulance I'd ordered as a precaution was sent away unneeded.
ON A brighter note, today was my birthday and to celebrate we went to the Old Ship British pub and restaurant in Fullerton with some friends. What you see above is my dinner - sausage, egg, chips and beans with a side of black pudding, generous dollops of HP Sauce and Coleman's Mustard and a pint of Boddington's. It might seem odd of me to spend $14 on a meal that thousands of British kids get in school every day for three quid but frankly I just wanted some good solid home-country stodge and by FSM I got it.
Here's pudding - a big bowl of spotted dick and custard with a second pint of Boddy's. The waitress stuck a candle in it in honour of me turning 35 and had to bring it outside as I was having a fag. Bless her. I think we can all agree that I had a result tonight.
JANUARY 26
THE Great Office Move of 2006 2007
was completed successfully at 9.28pm tonight when
we left our old building for the last time. We're
moving four doors up the street but it still involved
a level of organisation and logistics not since since
the Red Army marched on Berlin in 1945. However the
Red Army didn't have Mexican movers so I'd say we
probably did better.
We all had to clear out our desks, leading to some interesting archaeological discoveries. My bottom desk drawer contained approximately 100,000 business cards that used to belong to City Editor Amber Willard, who left several years ago. My top drawer contained about 23¢ in pennies, a biro that had leaked everywhere and circa-1997 paperclip. While clearing out his desk Garland found a three-year-old contact list belonging to current City Editor and office chipmunk Ryan, although we were surprised to find it wasn't written in crayon. Ryan found a book of biographies of the paper's staff back in the 50s and it was surprising how many people worked there, although frankly what they did all day is a mystery.
Our new office is smaller and we're cramped closer together. We're also all going to be high as kites if the paint fumes haven't dispersed by Monday. The furniture is all new which is great as my old chair seemed to have a personal grudge against my back and arse and the desks are bright, shiny and aching to have coffee-cup rings all over them by the end of March. As the office is so new and shiny we've been told we're not allowed to eat at our desks meaning the papers are never going to get out on Tuesdays and Fridays. Oh, and the back door has to be locked at 5pm as, apparently, homeless people have a tendency to get in and sleep on the stairs. Wonderful.
JANUARY 22
SORRY for the lack of updates, I have a stinking cold that I can't get rid of. And nothing's been happening anyway.
JANUARY 17
IT LOOKS like someone has added the MySpace Sucks section to StumbleUpon. That'll do nicely. And, wonder of wonders, the camera sold for just over $300 so that's got me a Canon macro lens and a toy Mini... er, I mean an ornament shaped like a toy Mini...
JANUARY 14
FOR God's sake it's FREEZING! Last Monday it was 91 degrees, yesterday it didn't get over 55 and tonight it's down to 39 - did I fall asleep in California and wake up in Wales?
JANUARY 11
OH FOR feck's fecking sake. I put my old digital camera up on eBay a couple of days ago ($350 plus shipping if you're interested) and someone bought it. "Surely a cause for joy," I hear you say. In anyone else's life it would be, but when I tried to send the buyer - someone called k.mark7 - an invoice I discovered their account had been suspended. Wonderful. After another couple of attempts Ev received this email from him/her:
From: kelly marc
To: xxxxxxxxx
Sent: Wednesday, January 10, 2007 5:40 AM
Subject: Answer my questions and send me your full name and address with your mobile# asap today
I agreed to pay the amount you want as buy it now any aditional money for the shipping.but i am using this opportunity to inform you that the amount that will be on the moneyorder will more than ur item fees.i don"t really know the exact amount it will be.bcos it will be issue by my client.and the reason of the over payment is that.the amount on the moneyorder has been signed,and it is more than ur item fees.so once you receive it.you must deduct ur item fees and westernunion the balance money to my client manager in africa.and the item is going to africa.
there will be no problem about the shipment.i want you to responsible for it.also make sure you deduct ur item fees and westernunion any aditional money on the m/o once you receive it.Here will go.i wolud have end the auction but i don"t know how to do it.so i want you to go and end the auction for me asap.to asure you that i am realy intrested in ur item.i will add extra $5.00 in ur payment if you end the auction for me asap.and email me ur phone# asap today.
Below are the questions i have for you.
1)is the item in good condition?
2)is any westernunion location where you to send the balance money money arround you?
3)can you make sure you get the m/o cash at ur bank the sameday you receive it?
4)can you allow me to send DHL for the pick up and complet the transaction the day you receive the moneyorder?
If yes too all my questions.kindly email me back asap today your full name and address you want on the payment so that the moneyorder can be send asap,
Regards,
Answer my questions and send me your full name and address with your mobile# asap today.
At first we couldn't quite work it out, but then the light dawned - it's a scam attempt. People who try this will always a) ask to pay by Western Union money order, b) ask for the item to be shipped before the money order is cashed, c) ask for it to be shipped to Africa, Russia or China, and d) blow goats for a hobby. Oh great, someone's not only trying to rip us off, they're also stopping other people from bidding on or buying the camera.
So what to do, what to do? I wasn't worried about the scam attempt - the camera and accessories are safe and sound on the computer desk (safe until Emric gets at them, that is). I was more worried about how to get the item "back", as it were, as this wanker had effectively blocked the auction and I wanted to relist it. I posted an appeal for help on the eBay message boards and someone answered within minutes. Following their instructions, I filed a complaint, got the buyer blocked and relisted the camera ($350 plus shipping if you're interested).
One of the other bits of advice I was given on the message board was not to reply to the email sender. Whoops...
From: mut@planetmut.com
To: kelly marc
Sent: Wednesday, January 10, 2007 9.34 PM
Subject: RE: Answer my questions and send me your full name and address with your mobile# asap today
Dear Kelly
Sorry if this email sounds a bit rude, but to be honest I'm having difficulty understanding your message. If you're going to email people about purchases you made on eBay, it's generally a good idea to have a working knowledge of English and not sound like a Nigerian scammer, you scamming bastard.
To answer your questions:
1. The camera and all accessories are in very good condition, but if you're worried about that why didn't you ask before you shelled out almost $400 on it? Oh, because you're a scamming bastard. There is one thing - I did forget to add to the listing that the camera comes with a year's free supply of catshit. Rest assured that there is no extra charge for this service, you scamming bastard.
2. I don't know of a Western Union near me, but I can find out. However, I'd much rather you pay by credit card or Paypal. Now I am assuming that you have credit cards and PayPal in Nigeria, you scamming bastard, but if you don't then I will accept payment in whatever Mickey Mouse money is favoured by scamming bastards from Nigeria. Oh, did I mention you're a scamming bastard?
3. To be honest, I doubt if I can get the money order (if you send it, as after all you are - and please pardon my French - a scamming bastard) to my bank the day I receive it. And why the rush? It's not like you've got a job or anything, you just sit in front of your PC scamming people on eBay like the scamming bastard you are.
4. There is no way I am sending the camera to you before the money order has cashed. This has nothing to do with laziness on my part, it's because you're a scamming bastard. What am I saying - the chances of the money order even being legit, let alone the funds being there, are a million to one. Know how I know this, Kelly, me old china? Because you're a scamming bastard.
I do have one question for you: I have on several occasions attempted to send you an invoice for this item but each time eBay has told me your account is suspended and blocked. To be honest this set alarm bells ringing and believe me, nothing in your email has made those alarm bells go away. If anything they've got louder as I've been writing this. One in particular is more audible than the others - it's the one that's telling me YOU'RE A SCAMMING BASTARD.
Know what I think? I think this is a scam; in fact I know it's a scam as any reputable buyer would not have a suspended eBay account, would not want me to send the item before the money order had cashed, and would also not send such a piss-poorly worded request. And the fact your "client" is in Africa is just telling me that this is the latest variation on the good old 419 scam.
So, Kelly, please rest assured that I'll be reporting this to eBay as an attempted scam. As you've stopped the auction you're preventing me from selling the item and legitimate buyers from purchasing it, but after this bullshit situation you've created is over I'll simply relist it.
And now I have your email address - k.marc7@yahoo.com - rest assured that I'll be signing you up for all the porn you can get. You scamming bastard.
Love from Mut.
I'd just like to repeat - the email address is k.marc7@yahoo.com. I'm not saying that anyone should take advantage of this to send Kelly some abuse/porn/goatse pics. But if you're bored one afternoon...
JANUARY 10
IT'S not too much to bloody ask, is it, to be able to get home at a decent time after a 10-hour day? Apparently it is if your route home involves the bloody 5 freeway (otherwise known as the Golden State freeway, otherwise known as the Golden Shower freeway). The transition from the 2 to the 5 was shut tonight so I had to go arsing around some of the shittiest areas of LA trying to find my way back to the freeway. Ev was trying to help but my mobile kept cutting out - like most things these days, Verizon appears to have adopted sucking arse as its new business model - and the fact that my Bluetooth has yet again stopped understanding English didn't aid matters. As one or both of you might have noticed I'm in a bit of a mood thanks to this but at least I got home safe after driving through neighbourhoods that are colourful with a capital "gun".
JANUARY 4
NOT much has been happening but I thought I'd better update this before people started thinking I'd kicked the bucket. I finally got my speeding ticket fine - $117, about 60 quid, and about $100 less then Ev thought it would be. It's been paid but now I have to get into traffic school so my insurance doesn't go through the roof, meaning I was stuck in phone-option hell for 30 mins this morning trying to get through at the Long Beach Superior Court. I eventually gave up and I'll have to try again in the morning. Bugger.
