FEBRUARY 27

IN A desperate attempt to justify the $10 I shelled out on them, here's another load of old postcards.

FEBRUARY 26

OOPS... yesterday we went to visit friends who've just moved into their new house. To avoid the mobile muppet show that is the 405 freeway we took the toll road there and back. On the way back I nagged Ev into taking me to the local Wal-Mart as I'm always interested in checking out new and interesting lifeforms. So we pay to get on the toll road by chucking change into what appears to be a urinal, then a couple of miles later we have to pay to get off the toll road. The fee's 50 cents which we have to throw into another urinal. But we've only got 20 cents between us and the machine doesn't take pennies. After sitting in the Mini going through my pockets, Ev's purse, the glove compartment and the door pockets we give up and drive off, triggering the sirens. Ev's called the toll road company (she has an account with them and we forgot her electronic thingy) and we're waiting to see if we get a $45 fine over 30 cents.

So after incurring the wrath of the Toll Roads, Inc, we head to Wal-Mart where I have a revelation. For starters the bloke collecting trolleys in the car park is white. If that isn't enough of a shock the store itself is clean, there's no rap blasting out of the speakers and it's possible to walk down the aisles without tripping over stupid bratty kids. It's distinctly lacking in Latina sluts, four-hundred-pound sacks of white trash and "dancing" black kids. Even the toy car section doesn't have the crap-strewn floors I've become used to at the Long Beach and Garden Grove stores. I was so utterly shocked by this that I forgot to take any pics and, frankly, I think I need therapy to get over the fact that a Wal-Mart exists that's actually a pleasant experience.

FEBRUARY 22

THERE are another 17 old postcards up starting here.

FEBRUARY 21

ONE of the joys of living in an apartment complex is the shared laundry facilities. You never know if a) you're going to be able to get your laundry in, and if you do, you never know if b) it'll be there when you go back for it. Last night Ev did a load of laundry then later remembered she'd left one of the bathroom rugs in a dryer. "Never mind," I said, "you can get it in the morning." Needless to say, it was gone. Yes, someone nicked our $5 Target bathroom rug. So I put a notice up by the laundry room thanking the person who took it.

And I put another one on the main noticeboard by the mailboxes.

FEBRUARY 20

I DON'T know what's been happening in the alley where I go for fag breaks, but Christ it stinks of stale urine in there. Seriously - if I closed my eyes I'd think I was in the NCP car park on Westgate Street. I have my suspicions as to who's responsible, and currently I think it's the nutter who was shouting at the trees in the park across from work last night.

FEBRUARY 16

ONLY in Wal-Mart...

FEBRUARY 15

OH MY GOD!!! I've won the Australian Lottery!

Union Australia Lottery,

38 Archerfield Road,

Darra, QLD, 4076,

Queensland, Australia.

Union Australia Lottery partners: ABN Gaming Board.

PO Box 1738, 3000 DR Rotterdam, Netherlands.

Sir/Madam,

CONGRATULATIONS: YOU WON.

It's our pleasure to inform you of the result of the Union Australia Lottery, held on the 13th, February 2006. Your e-mail address attached to e-ticket number: 000101376290, with Cash Prize number 09910987612, drew EUR2,000,000.00 (Two Million EUros), which was first in the 3rd Category of the draws. You have been approved to receive the sum of EUR2,000,000.00 (Two Million Euros) from our paying bank. Because of mix-up of information(claims) and the limited time for your cash prize pay-out, we will advice that you keep all information about this notification confidential (secret) until your prize (EUR2,000,000.00) have been remitted to you by our accredited paying bank. You must adhere to this instructions strictly to avoid the loose of your cash prize to internet abusers - this program has been abused severally, so we are doing our best to forestall further abuse by false claims.

It's important to note that this draws were conducted formally under the watchful eyes of over a 8,000 audiences. Winners were selected through an internet ballot system from 250,000 e-mail addresses(both personal and corporate e-mail addresses). This program is sponsored and supported by T-NET ASSETS, in conjunction with Union Australia lottery. Congratulations once again. Your e-mail address will be used to participate in our next, mega, draw: EUR65Million.

BE INFORMED: all winning (cash prize) must be claimed not later than 10-days after you receive this notification. Failure to claim your cash prize after this date will result in your cash prize forfeiture. Please, in order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications during the remitance of your funds, remember to always quote your personal and winning information in your correspondence with the paying bank.

Please contact the paying bank with these information for the immediate remittance of your funds to you. Kindly send them the following:

(i). your names,

(ii) Contact telephone and fax numbers

(iii) Contact Address

(iv) Your winning numbers

(v) Quote amount won.

Contact the paying bank with the following:

Swissfirst Bank AG,

Attention: Daniel Hefti.

Swissfirst Bank AG, Amsterdam, Netherlands.

E-mail: swissfirstservic@netscape.net

Tel: +31 633 785 416.

Fax: +31 847 504 579.

Congratulations once again.

Yours in service,

Judith Clayton (Ms.) CPA.

Lottery Coordinator.

You can imagine my disappointment - nay, guttedness - when six other people in the office announced they'd won it too.

FEBRUARY 9

I WAS watching TV tonight when one of the new Burger King commercials pushing their new "Angus Diet" came on. There was Dr Angus extolling the virtues of BK burgers when I thought, "Hang on - that's not Dr Angus, that's Harry Enfield!" It's true - the one-time comic genius behind Loadsamoney, Stavros the Greek and Kevin the Teenager is now reduced to advertising grilled catshit on a bun. And on a side note, I'm still convinced that the "Dr Angus is not a real doctor, and the Angus diet is not a real diet" disclaimer is for the red-state-dwelling thickies who think eating five BKs a day constitutes a healthy diet. Oh, and they shag their cousins.

FEBRUARY 6

GIVEN that I haven't put a page of cat pictures up in months, here's some Iestyn photos for you.

FEBRUARY 5

TONIGHT I went to my first Superbowl party where I got to eat lots of food and watch the game. Well, I say watch the game, it was more like watching a string of commercials interrupted every three minutes by some blokes in helmets and padding chucking a ball around. I know we Brits complain about the commercialisation of soccer and rugby but the Superbowl is a soulless drone... er... marketing executive's wet dream. Every time the ball went out of play there was a cut to a commercial. Every five minutes the commentators helpfully reminded me that Superbowl XL (that means 40, not extra large) was brought to me by Pepsi, Budweiser, Cadillac and some other corporation I can't remember. Even the bloody buildings outside had corporate logos projected onto them. Believe me, enjoy the Premiership and Celtic League as they are, 'cos if Rupert Murdoch gets his way we'll be having adverts every time El-Hadji Djiouf takes a dive. For the Americans reading this, that's about every 30 seconds.

FEBRUARY 4

SOME pictures I took on a trip to Mexico last year have finally made their way to the site afer being lost down the back of the sofa for seven months. You can see 'em here.

OH, AND England kicked the crap out of us. Bugger.

FEBRUARY 2

TONIGHT we went to Wal-Mart in the Long Beach Towne Centre (that's really how they spell it). All I can say is it makes the Wal-Mart we usually go to in Garden Grove look like Harrod's. From the teenage girls dressed in their finest sluttery to the black kid "dancing" in the radio aisle to the 400 pounds of white trash complaining about "goddam college kids" the place was a veritable cornucopia of reasons why foreigners fly planes in to American buildings. Oh, and how can I forget the fat pink-haired bull dyke lesbian who paid her bill in quarters? Bitch.

FEBRUARY 1

WITH the 2006 Six Nations tournament rapidly approaching, I've decided to take a look at Wales's fixtures and our chances of retaining the Triple Crown and Grand Slam, what with every other team out to get their own back for last year.

SATURDAY FEB 4 - ENGLAND AT TWICKENHAM
We're screwed. Seriously. England coach Andy Robinson knows his job depends on not completely screwing up like he did last year when the "World Champions" managed two wins out of five games. The fact that Wales beating England last year was the single most unexpected thing in the tournament, we've been decimated by injuries and we're playing away all mean one thing: we've had it. On the other hand, as every Welsh person knows, as long as we beat the English we could lose to Iceland and no one would care.
PREDICTED RESULT: England by two tries and a conversion.

SUNDAY FEB 11 - SCOTLAND AT CARDIFF
Given that we overran the Scots at Murrayfield last year and won 46-22 this shouldn't be too much of a problem. And we're at home which is a three-point advantage before the whistle's been blown. And we'll probably be on the rebound from a slaughtering by the English.
PREDICTED RESULT: Wales, hopefully by a shedful.

SUNDAY FEB 26 - IRELAND AT LANSDOWNE ROAD
Another one where my mum will have to hide the knives from dad after the final whistle. Ireland were the only threat in last year's tournament until the French smashed their Grand Slam hopes. They played like undisciplined donkeys in the final match in Cardiff in 2005, but we have a history of being crucified by the Micks in Ireland (54-22 anyone?) so my hopes aren't even horizontal, let alone up.
PREDICTED RESULT: I don't want to think about it.

SATURDAY MARCH 11 - ITALY AT CARDIFF
As I said last year, Wales can beat the best then lose to Treorchy Under-14s the following week. Italy should be a walkover, probably will, but I'll still be biting my nails until the final whistle.
PREDICTED RESULT: Wales. By even more than against Scotland.

SATURDAY MARCH 18 - FRANCE AT CARDIFF
The match against France was the game of the tournament last year. Wales came back from a 15-6 halftime deficit to win 24-18. Much like their army, the French rugby team has a tendency to collapse if handled roughly, so this one could go either way. Hopefully Wales's.
PREDICTED RESULT: Going by last year, it'll be close. But I think Wales can do it.