AUGUST 18: HELL IS A HYUNDAI
SOME things you can do while driving your Hyundai Accent rental car to work:
1. Watch in fascination as the needle crawls towards the 20mph mark like a dead tortoise stuck in spilled treacle.
2. Wonder if "I'm driving a Hyundai Accent" is an acceptable excuse for being late to work.
3. Give the thumbs-up to other drivers when it finally hits 60mph.
4. Suddenly realise that no, this isn't a car designed for the fast lane.
5. Press the accelerator down and wonder why you're not moving.
6. Ponder the reason for giving such great brakes to a car with such shitty acceleration.
7. Alternate your gaze between the road and the fuel gauge as you realise with horror that you've only driven 160 miles and yet the car's somehow got through 5/8 of a tank of petrol.
8. Spend ages looking for the electric window switch before discovering that you have to use the strange handle thing on the inside of the door.
AUGUST 17: THE CRAB POT
SATURDAY night was spent at The Crab Pot in Long Beach, a seafood restaurant we've wanted to try for a while. One of their most popular dishes is the Seafood Special, a meal of clams, mussels, crab legs, shrimp, Andouille sausage, sweetcorn and potatoes which is served in a bucked and dumped on the table. Really.
Here's our dinner shortly after the dumping. I hasten to add that this was between six of us.
Shelly shows off her latest fashion accessories.
Another view from a lower angle.
A convenient bowl is left on the floor for you to chuck shells into. Ev's modelling ours; I think there were four altogether.
A shot of the table showing the aftermath. Notice how the spuds remain untouched. We did consider releasing the last few shrimp back into the ocean but for some reason the women thought we were being bloody idiots.
Here's the bill. That's a lot of books we just ate.
AUGUST 15: SANDCASTLES
THERE was some kind of sandcastle-building thingy on the beach today so we went for a look on the way to Ralph's.
TODAY I flogged my Rebel XT, both Sigma lenses and a load of other camera stuff to friends and used some of the cash to buy a new Canon 75-300mm lens for my T1i. I haven't had the chance to use it yet and probably won't until next weekend. The rest of the money is going towards paying for the repairs to the Mini's power steering. As much as I love that car, it's bloody expensive to fix.
AUGUST 15: A WORD FROM HER MAJ
I GOT a response from HM Government about the petition arguing against giving Margaret "Hateful Bitch Who Just Won't Die" Thatcher a state funeral:
Thursday 13 August 2009
Thatchfuneral - epetition response
We received a petition asking:
"We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to not support a state funeral for Baroness Thatcher."
Details of Petition:
"Baroness Margaret Hilda Thatcher is not deserving of a state funeral. To deem her worthy of such an honour is to overlook a host of awful things, like her support for General Augusto Pinochet, and to overlook many more deserving candidates."
Thank you for your e-petition.
In the event of the death of any former Prime Minister, the Government is responsible for liaising with the family and representatives of the deceased about arrangements for a suitable service of remembrance, including any administrative support from the Government. For reasons which we hope will be understood, it would not be appropriate to make any comment about detail of any discussions.
In other words, "If you think we're letting you oiks have an opinion about something you've got another thing coming".
AUGUST 14: ARSE, ARSE, AND THRICE ARSE
AT SOME point yesterday between me arriving at work and turning the engine off, and leaving work and turning the engine on, the Mini's power steering decided to kick the bucket. I had to call AAA and they had to tow me from Glendale to Long Beach. Bugger.
Now I'm waiting for AAA to come and tow me to the garage so it can be fixed, leaving me to drive Ev's Corolla today and a rental car on Monday. And I'm supposed to be giving a presentation in work in two hours. Fan-bloody-tastic.
AUGUST 11: WE WERE ROBBED!
ALMOST $60 for dinner? Are we mad? Yes, we probably are. We decided to try a steak restaurant near us tonight for a couple of reasons; we hadn't been there before, and I've been living out of tins for the past few days while doing the redesign. So off to Lone Star Steakhouse and Saloon we went.
It's never a good sign when dickeads like this are populating the car park. What is it about SUV owners that make them impervious to acting like mere mortals? Anyway, onto the food. My Coke was about 90% water so I swapped it for a coffee. The ranch dressing on Ev's salad was weaker than American beer so she swapped it for steamed vegetables. This was not looking good. And then the steaks arrived...
Here's mine, a 14oz Texas ribeye (whatever that is) done rare with steak fries — chips to us Brits — and sautéed mushrooms and onions. To be fair the food was way, way better than I expected given the crappy service, watered-down drinks and Disney-level fakeness of the decor. And, to top it all, just as our meals finally arrived, the ubiquitous C&W music suddenly went up about 500 decibels and the wait staff (with the emphasis on "wait") started bloody linedancing. Yes, linedancing. The only thing that could make the night worse would be a death in the family. Or the bill, which was probably $30 more than we usually spend for an experience not worth five. Arse.
AUGUST 11: KEEP DIGGING, MATE, YOU MIGHT FIND GOLD
THANKS to Shelly for sending me this delightful photo she snapped at Irwindale on Saturday. How this guy thought he could get away with going on a snot hunt while in a crowd of 20,000 people is beyond me but I guess it takes all types.
AUGUST 9: WISH IT WAS OCTOBER 16
THE Where The Wild Things Are movie is looking better and better...
AUGUST 7: THE GREAT GRUNION HUNT OF 2009
EVERY nine months or so the shores up and down Southern California are invaded by small fish called grunions. These little buggers have an unusual mating ritual:
At very high tides the females come up on sandy beaches and dig their tails into the sand to lay their eggs. A male then wraps himself around the female to deposit his sperm. For the next ten days the grunion eggs remain hidden in the sand, but at the next set of high tides the eggs hatch and the young grunion are washed out to sea. [from Wikipedia]
As last night was the magic night for the grunions, and with our heads filled with images of a beach covered in shagging fish, we headed out to have a look...
The Pacific Ocean at night. Thrilling. Luckily it wasn't too cold as we waited for the grunions, which were due to make an appearance between 11.30 and 1.30am.
A solitary gull waits for the fish. We had the bright idea of hanging around by the birds as they must know where the grunions are going to appear. We were wrong. Oh, so very wrong.
Most people there were starting to get into the water instead of waiting for the grunions to make their way to shore. So I decided to do the same. Bear in mind that in five years of living next to the sea this is only the second time I've gone in the water, and certainly the first time at midnight.
Truly I have the legs of a supermodel. I ended up standing in knee-deep water holding a torch while our friend's kid tried to catch grunions with his hands. He did a great job of catching driftwood, plastic bags, sweet wrappers and other rubbish but couldn't get hold of any fishes.
In retrospect it probably wasn't a good idea to stand in thigh-deep seawater holding a torch in one hand and $1200 worth of camera, lens and flash in the other.
These guys had brought buckets and were happily scooping grunions out of the water. Well, three grunions, but it was the only three we saw all night. Disappointed and knackered we headed home at 1am. Back on the PC I YouTube'd "grunions" and found this:
So this is what it was supposed to look like. I think we'll go to Santa Monica for next year's grunion run.
AUGUST 6: ON THE BEACH
AFTER spending the day in the flat redesigning the paper and suffering from a bad stomach (I'll spare your the gory details; suffice to say we've had to seal the bathroom with lead) we went for a walk down the beach and I snapped these pics:
I took more than three, obviously, but these are my faves. Click for the bigger versions.
AUGUST 6: JOHN HUGHES RIP
THE guy behind such 80s classics as Ferris Bueller's Day Off, The Breakfast Club, Weird Science and Pretty in Pink died today aged 59. It's never Paris Hilton, is it?
AUGUST 4: LA GALAXY V. FC BARCELONA (UPDATE DELAYED DUE TO LAZINESS)
OUR Saturday trip to the Rose Bowl for the LA Galaxy v FC Barcelona international friendly was well worth the $30 tickets. And the $20 parking. A packed stadium, fantastic atmosphere, friendly fans and a great game all made for a superb night out. After meeting Mike in Glendale we headed to Pasadena, parked up and had some food. Here's some photos of the fans:
This guy was smashed.
To my lasting shame, I didn't manage to get a photo of the guy wearing a T-shirt emblazoned with "I'M WITH PENDEJO --->" So, on to the game:
A couple of old guys check out the skanks.
Heading through the tunnel to the seats.
The Rose Bowl fills up. We ended up sitting pretty high up in the stands which gave us a great view of the game and the fans.
There was a one-minute silence in honour of Sir Bobby Robson, who managed Barcelona in the 1990s.
Mike rocks his Swedish heritage.
Beckham gets ready to take his second free kick. Every time he touched the ball the crowd booed. I can honestly say that I refrained from such unsporting behaviour. I did not boo. Instead, I shouted "WANKER!"
And now the best bit. The game ends, Barca win 2-1, and we hang around to let the stadium empty a bit. I'm wearing my Merthyr Tydfil FC shirt and already had been asked a couple of times who they are. But on the way out of the ground an American voice says, "Merthyr Tydfil??" It's a guy who studied in Britain years ago and whose flatmate was from Merthyr. Not only that, he'd actually been there. Made my night. Martyrs represent!